Last week I shared with you my fun experience traveling on my first cruise. It was an experience I will not soon forget. However, as fun as that experience was, I sometimes have moments of silence that take me back to losing my furry best friend and it makes me cry. If you are like me and have experienced pet loss, you reflect and remember many life moments that you shared with your furry family members.
As summer has come to a close and fall is now here, I know the holidays are approaching soon and it makes me think of Christmas time. Christmas, coincidentally enough, was the last family holiday I shared with my cat Dusty and my husband. I had a feeling in my gut that it may be the last one we would share together so I made it a point to cherish those moments. It would be only two weeks later when Dusty would make her transition out of this world to the other side at the start of 2015.
Time has passed…
It has been well over a year now and for weeks and even months afterwards, I would find myself crying or commuting to work and out of nowhere bawling in my seat on the train. I want to share this with you so you know it is normal and no you are not a freak of nature. I’ve been there. I bet you have been there too. I thought as time passed, the tears would eventually just stop. Well, I’ve come to learn they have not. If anything, there are just longer periods of pause between the tears, but they do not stop.
The other thing I wonder is why do I cry more about the death of one cat over the other? Perhaps it’s the amount of time they had on this Earth or the different connection I shared with each of them?
If you’ve been following my blog for a little while you know I have talked plenty about my cat Dusty, my youngest who lived to 13.5 years old. However my very first cat, Precious died over 10 years ago at the age of 8 years old. She died at a younger age but also much quicker. Even though she was my first cat, I don’t remember crying as much or as often. I sometimes wonder if it is that time factor that has me have mixed emotions with the tears. Or is it our connection that’s the difference? Or perhaps the age as well? Or maybe it is an overall cumulative factor of everything and how each of them died?
Sometimes I think because Precious died in my arms very quickly I had closure knowing I was there until her last breath. On the other hand with Dusty, I had guilt over not having her in my arms at her last breath like my first cat. My process of closure is different and taken longer than before. Plus, I had 8 years with Precious compared to almost 14 years with Dusty. I suppose, overall taking into account everything, just not enough time has passed yet.
They say time heals all wounds, but I beg to differ. I think time takes the edge off. (At least that’s how I feel at this point. Maybe I’ll feel different in 5 years.) But like the loss of a human child, the pain is always is there. (And no I’m not comparing the two as if they are the same, but rather the impact hit’s the heart the same way – to the soul and core.) Like an innocent child, pets are innocent creatures too. We as pet parents signed up to give them unconditional love, support, attention, care and protect them the best way we know how. It is that level of unwavering commitment of unconditional love that bonds us. And when that is taken away, a part of you is lost too.
So with that said, if I look at my faith and understand “Love never dies”, I suppose I can expect to have these flood and waves of emotion from time to time. I think essentially there is no time expiration on tears shed. I’ve come to conclude that the love never dies so I’m not going to expect my tears to have an expiration date either. I just hope with more time the number of tears shed lessens so I can put more energy into smiling and remember my pet’s life with joyous memories and silly moments that make me laugh as opposed to cry. After all, I think that’s exactly what Dusty and Precious were put on this earth to do; teach me the meaning of what it is to be carefree, love unconditionally and take joy in the little things.
Comment below…have you experienced random tears long after your pet has passed?
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