One of the dirty little secrets no one really talks about after losing a pet is the inconsistent episodes of crying and feelings of guilt. Perhaps it has been several months or even years since your pet has passed away, yet you have moments where you fight back those tears. Can you relate? I’m here to tell you that you are not a freak, and you are not alone. This is normal and part of the process of grieving. And just so you know, grief has no time limit.
Grief has no time limit
When it comes to pet loss, we understand that pets are family. The love runs so deep, and therefore the pain of grieving that loss runs deep too. Where there is great love, there is deep grief. Everyone deals with the process differently. However, one of the lessons many bereaved pet parents come to learn through experience, is that grief has no time limit. We learn to deal with and work through our grief but also learn to cope by living with it.
Reflections
The holidays are approaching soon, and it makes me think of Thanksgiving and Christmas time. Christmas 2014 was the last family holiday I shared with my heart cat Dusty and my husband before she passed soon after. She had been diagnosed with cancer but was still able to move about comfortably with joy however, I had a feeling in my gut that 2014 would be the last Christmas we would share together. So I made it a point to cherish those moments.
As it turned out, Dusty made her transition about two weeks after our last Christmas together at the start of 2015.
Passage of time
It had been well over a year since Dusty passed, and for weeks and even months afterward, I would find myself crying or commuting to work and, out of nowhere, bawling in my seat on the train.
My pet passed away a while ago, but I would still cry. I wanted to share this with you so you understand it is normal. No, you are not a freak of nature. I’ve been there. I bet you have been there too.
I thought as time passed, the tears would eventually just stop. Well, I’ve come to learn they have not. If anything, I have learned that with time there are just long periods of time between the tears, but they do not stop.
The other thing I wonder is why do I cry more about the death of one cat over the other. Perhaps it’s the amount of time they had on this Earth or the different connections I shared with each of them.
If you’ve been following my blog for a little while, you know I have talked plenty about my cat Dusty, my youngest, who lived to be 13.5 years old. However, my first cat, Precious, died over ten years ago at 8 years old. She died at a younger age but also her transition was very fast. She did not suffer from a slow decline over several weeks. Precious lived a full life with a small heart murmur. She was my first cat and my first love however, I don’t remember crying as much or as often in comparison to Dusty’s passing.
I sometimes wonder if it is that time factor that has me having mixed emotions. Or perhaps our connection made all the difference? Or maybe it is an overall cumulative factor of everything and how each of them died? I don’t know.
Essentially, I think it’s a combination of everything. Dusty was my heart cat. She lived a longer life than my first and fell ill from cancer, a more complicated disease. Sometimes I think because Precious died in my arms very quickly, I had closure knowing I was there until her last breath. In contrast with Dusty, I had guilt over not having her in my arms at her last breath like my first cat. The process of closure was different and took longer than before. Plus, I had eight years with Precious compared to almost 14 years with Dusty.
I suppose, overall, taking into account everything, just not enough time has passed yet.
Time heals
They say time heals all wounds, but I beg to differ. I think time takes the edge off. At least, that’s how I feel at this point. Maybe I’ll feel different in 5 years. Pet’s are family, and just like the loss of a human, the pain felt is always there. Like an innocent children, pets are innocent creatures.
We, as pet parents, signed up to give them unconditional love, support, attention, and care and protect them as best as we can. It is that level of unwavering commitment and unconditional love that bonds us. And when that is taken away, a part of you is lost too.
This is why I empathize and understand when I hear others express my pet passed away, and I still cry.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, understand it’s okay if your pet passes away and you still cry. There is no time limit on grieving. Personally, when I look at my faith and understand “Love never dies”, I expect to have these waves of emotion pour from my eyeballs from time to time. Therefore, I am not going to expect my tears to have an expiration date either.
I just hope that with time, the number of tears shed lessens so I can put more energy into smiling and remembering my pets’ life with joyous memories. After all, I think that’s exactly what Dusty and Precious were put on this earth to do; teach me the meaning of what it is to be carefree, love unconditionally, and take joy in the little things.
Share your thoughts
Have you experienced random episodes of crying long after your pet has passed? Share your experience below.
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Original post published 2016. Updated November 2021.