Grief,  Pets

When will I feel like myself again after losing a pet?

When will I feel like myself again after losing a pet?

One of the most devastating things a person can experience is the loss of a pet. Quite frankly, it is losing a family member. From my own personal experience, the loss of my heart cat Dusty, gutted me for lack of a better word. The pain reached from the depth of my soul and ripped straight through my heart.

Anyone that has lost a pet knows exactly what I’m talking about. You wrestle with those feelings of guilt, anger, despair, confusion, and a mix of other emotions. I don’t know about you, but I cried my eyes out so much I looked like a professional boxer as my eyes were practically swollen shut.

The loss of my heart cat impacted my emotional well-being and my physical side too. I had a loss of appetite, my menstrual cycle was thrown off, my sleeping patterns were altered, and I felt fatigued and exhausted most of the time.

So, with all this in mind, we understand the mental and physical impact is harsh, but what you really want to know next is, when will I start to feel back to myself again after losing a pet?

Newsflash, I hate to break it to you but…

I’ll cut right to the chase and say, you won’t. Granted this is my own opinion but some things in life just forever change you from your core. And losing a pet is one of those pivotal moments in life you won’t forget. Happier events like weddings, graduations or getting your first job are all moments you will never forget. In contrast, dealing with death is the same just on a whole different spectrum.

Reality sets in…

Create a new normal

The reality about getting back to a sense of normalcy is that you won’t return to the way things were but rather now have to create a brand new normal. If you have been following my blog the past couple of years you’ve seen my journey from grieving to foster parent and everything in between.

When you lose a pet, especially when you’ve lost a pet that was the sole ruler of the house, it’s a huge blow. Your entire routine is thrown off orbit. Your daily routine built to include your pet no longer exists. Now you have to get used to fixing breakfast for yourself first. Now it’s not necessary to take that walk at 5 am in the morning to walk or feed fluffy. There are no more cuddles on the couch as you watch your favorite TV series. Fluffy isn’t around to greet you at the end of the day. Now it’s just an empty house without a pulse.

It is slightly different when you have additional pets at home. Although one of the pack is gone, the other furry siblings do force you to maintain some sort of routine. But even still, don’t think for one second that our pets don’t grieve and understand, because they do. Check out my other post When one pet dies, do our other pets grieve?

losing a pet #petloss #grief #healing #bereavement #impurrfectlife

Take time to grieve

Another reality you need to come to terms with is to take your time to grieve. There are 5 stages to grief. You will feel denial, anger, acceptance, and find healing with time. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process. And the most important lesson I’ve learned is there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Losing a pet is downright devastating for many pet parents. Everyone handles their grief differently and thus no one else’s pain should be compared or measured with that of another. How you handle your pain may be different than someone else experiencing the same thing. And that’s okay. Don’t let anyone convince you that your grief has a time limit.

At the end of the day, part of the healing process includes that four-letter word you can’t get enough of in happier moments….it’s called T-I-M-E.

There is a saying that time heals all wounds. I’d like to tell you sure absolutely but then I’d be lying. However what is absolutely true is that with the passing of time, the heartache does lessen bit by bit.

In my own healing journey, I found that with time I would have random episodes of crying throughout the day to thinking I’ll probably never adopt again to fostering. Now it’s been four years since Dusty’s passing and with that lovely thing called TIME, I’ve found renewed joy again.

Now I have found activities I’m passionate about like painting and design. I can laugh again, and don’t have random crying episodes. But most important to me, I can talk about my sweet girls Dusty and Precious and speak of them with joy and happiness in my heart. My voice doesn’t crack as if I’m about to break down and hold back the tears in public.

So time does help to heal the heart and those open wounds. But that’s not all.

Continue to remember and speak of your pets often

Believe it or not, one of the things that helped me find healing after the loss was reflecting. What I mean by that is, I would often recall the many funny moments and trips spent with Dusty. Often times I would come across old video clips of her in my emails or old photos. That always made me smile and also cry if I’m honest. However, for the most part, seeing video clips I took from my phone, made me smile because I was able to view her in her prime, active and happy.

Essentially, that’s the bottom line. Our pets serve as furry family members and also do anything to help put a smile on our faces. They want to light up our lives with their joy, the wag of their tails and a knead of their paws making biscuits for us.

That’s the part I always try to remember. They live a full life every day and we need to remember to care for ourselves to honor their memory and do the same. So talk about them, keep their memory alive in your hearts and mind. Find ways to memorialize your pets. Need ideas? Don’t miss 6 Ways to Memorialize your pet.

Our beloved furry family members are gone in the physical but the love always remains. I think that’s why it’s so hard to find healing after pet loss. The amount of love left behind transcends the physical space around us.

Find constructive ways to spend your days

A fourth way I learned to find my way back to normalcy, was finding constructive positive ways to spend my time.  Truth be told, I was so depressed a few weeks after Dusty’s passing. I just wanted to spend all my free time outside of work at home in bed with the covers pulled over my head. I just didn’t want to be bothered.

But then after enough crying and looking at my puffy eyes, something nagged at me. I realized that I was not going to find any sort of healing by moping around the house. In my new normal reality, I knew that tugging from my subconscious was my first inkling to take my pain and turn it into purpose. It was time to pay it forward.

Helping animals and the community

I found renewed joy by volunteering for a cat adoption organization called Kitty Kind in New York City and also worked with People for Animals of New Jersey as well. Both organizations help to find forever homes for cats in the local area. People for Animals takes it a step further and provides low-cost spay and neuter services for both cats and dogs in the local area.

It was through my time doing volunteer work that I discovered the world of fostering animals. After the loss of my cat Dusty, I had zero intention of adopting again, let alone have another furry being in the house.

But you know what? Reflecting back, I know in my heart of hearts that was not true. I was born a cat lover and cannot see myself without another furry family member in the future. It’s in my DNA. It’s just who I am. I’m a Jersey girl, Aquarian, and a cat lover through and through.

Participating in activities like giving back to the community and working with animals brought me so much joy and sense of purpose. It really did boost my morale, gave me a new routine, allowed me to meet new friends and feel useful again.

Discovering new and old passions

Lastly, through all this, I learned about blogging and re-visited my love of painting. That’s right! It was through my experience losing Dusty I was inspired to start this very blog to help share my journey to finding healing after pet loss in hopes my story would help validate other bereaved pet parents’ feelings.

Additionally, my time spend painting helped me realize how much exploring my creativity helped me feel at peace. It is just another avenue in which I can heal my heart while sharing my creations with others. You can check out my portfolio of art and designs at my Impurrfectlife Art studio.

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Find the right support

Finding the right support system to help you navigate through your grief is important. I wrote a post called 5 Online resources for pet loss support a while back. I found a few support groups through Facebook regarding losing a pet and also a blogging community that helped me in my time of grief.

Most importantly, I found my greatest support from family and friends during my time of grieving the loss of Dusty. It’s so crucial to find the right type of support when in such a vulnerable state.

Unfortunately, you may discover those closest to you may not empathize or share your viewpoints on what it means to lose a pet. I’ve learned the hard way that some people don’t show care or empathy as you would have hoped. And in many instances make verbal comments that hurt more than they help you in your time of grief.

If you are curious to learn about my experiences with this check out my video 5 Things you should not say to a grieving pet parent.

Final Thoughts

Navigating through grief is tricky. When it comes to losing a pet there is no right or wrong way to grieve, but you do have to go through the storm to come out stronger on the other side. Remember, honor the memory of your pet by speaking of them often, memorialize them in your own way, and keep their memory close to your heart. There is healing in reflection. There is also healing in paying if forward as well. Time doesn’t heal all wounds but does lessen the heartache.

Will your life ever be the same again? No, however, you can always create a new type of normal for yourself and the rest of your family.

It’s taken me about four years to finally get to a place where I’m ready to adopt again. Will it be that long for you? Who knows? Some people find healing quicker than others.

What I can tell you is that after the storm a rainbow does appear. Our greatest challenges teach us our greatest lessons in life. The greatest lesson I’ve learned through grief after pet loss is that although they are gone, the love always remains. And that will never change because our pets are forever a part of us.

#impurrfectlife #siamese #cat #petlosssupport
Me and Dusty

Are you someone that has experienced losing a pet? Did this post resonate with you? Curious to learn about my other adventures post pet loss?

Read some of my other posts below.

My fostering adventures

Turn your pain into purpose

5 Ways I discovered painting helped heal my heart

5 Inspirational books that gave me the courage to live my best life

Don’t forget to share and pin this post! I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below!

Originally published Nov. 2019. Updated April 2021.

14 Comments

  • Nancy Cunningham

    I love your story. I have had dogs pass at different times and it was heart breaking each time. As you said time healed and wonderful memories of each pet help me heal.

    • Admin

      Nancy,
      Thank you so much for the kind words. Although painful you are right about time helping to heal. It’s true. I hope pet parents know they will find joy again.

  • Michelle & The Paw Pack

    I feel like I’ve never super resonated with the saying ‘time heals all wounds’. Every pet that I loose, no matter how small, has taken a part of my heart with them. I have pets that I lost 10+ years ago that I still miss so dearly. I kind of think that’s one of the amazing things about animal lovers though – our capacity to love and care for others even though we know that, eventually, they’re going to break our hearts. Even knowing first hand how devastating it is to loose a beloved pet, I would never want to deny myself the love and joy they bring to my life while they are here with us.

    • Admin

      Michelle,
      Well said. I agree 100%. Time helps but does not make the heartbreak disappear. I too could not imagine living life without our pets. Not only are they family but the really make a house a home.

  • Terri

    You’re absolutely right. It’s a new normal. It’s never, ever the same. The heart never really heals. It just tries to go on in whatever form that takes. There can be new memories. While the old memories remain. And the heart still aches. It always will. And it’s called a new normal.

  • Marjorie Dawson

    My biggest support when Dash Kitten was killed was my friends on Twitter. They were an absolute rock because I needed the support only sympathetic animal lovers could give. It is vital to talk to someone – really it is – you cannot get through it alone.

    Your finding solace in creativity is something I can relate to. It grounds your mind, and keeps you sane while you find your new normal.

    • Admin

      Marjorie,
      I’m happy that you had the support to help you through your grief after Dash Kitten was killed. I agree 100% that there is a different kind of support only other animal lovers/pet parents can understand. And yes, using my creative outlet in art definitely helps ground your center while finding your new normal. Well said.

  • Nikki

    It’s so hard to explain the feeling of loosing a pet, and you’ve done it so well here. I feel like the biggest thing that has helped me in the past is helping others. I know there is a distraction aspect of it – keeping myself busy keeps me from focusing too much on my grief. But it also really helps me to see and help with pets who need it. Be it feeding abandoned kittens to helping with emergency first aide in a shelter. Doing helps me move forward. Thank you for this amazing article – it’s so powerful, and has so many excellent resources. <3

    • Admin

      Nikki,
      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You stated it so eloquently. I couldn’t agree more. A huge benefit to volunteering and fostering was helping other animals and as a result it really helped my heart feel full. Thank you for your kind words and I’m glad you found this post helpful!

  • Ruth Epstein

    Losing Baby was hard as much as losing my cats before her, but her loss really hit me and coming home to an empty house what the hardest. My friends organized a Memorial for her in the dog park and surrounded me with love and care for the first week which was the best medicine for me. I adopted Layla 3 months after Baby died which really eased it as I had a new lil one to focus on but I still get teary eyes when I think of her.

    • Admin

      Ruth,
      Thank you for sharing your own experience. I know it will resonate with other pet parents. I know Baby was a “rock” for you in a pivotal time in your life. I’m happy Layla was a new ray of sunshine for you when going through such a transitional time in life. I understand still feeling emotional when reflecting on our pets that have passed on. They really are our heart pets.

  • Dorothy "FiveSibesMom"

    Wow…I’m in tears…this so resonated with me. I lost my Wolfie, the last of my FiveSibes, shortly before Christmas. One year after losing his sister, a year after we made a big move with them. The summer before the move, we lost two within two months. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been grieving for years now…and Wolfie was my “baby” of the pack (he was almost 14), so his loss was huge for both him and our bond, as well as the fact he was the last of my FiveSibes. So much you wrote here is right on…from waking up crying out for him (for he was the last loss), to keeping them all in my conversations, and sharing photos and stories on my blog. My new normal is no where near normal, and I’m not sure who I am without them yet…but writing helps me in the healing process, and I love sharing so many things about them and what we did. This is such a great and needed post. I have a few friends who have also suffered losses of beloved pets this past year and I’m sharing over on my FiveSibes Facebook page and Pinning so others may read this as well. We are joined by the love of our pets, as well as the loss of them. Where there is great love, their sure is painful loss. Thank you, Kamira. <3

    • Admin

      Dorothy,
      You are so welcome! I so appreciate the kind words and to know this post resonated with you so much. You have had quite a tumultuous year. You said it so well…” it’s a new normal.” Our fur kids pass on and we are never the same people but learn to live with the grief and turn our pain into purpose. You sharing your stories on your blog and likewise. I’m happy that my content and shared experience can bring some validation for you and many others. Thank you so much for sharing!