One of the feelings that surface after experiencing pet loss is guilt. Guilt is that ugly little word that has such a big impact on your soul, like a punch to the gut. However, before I delve into that topic, here is …

My backstory (Dusty’s sick)

When I found out my cat had a lump suspected of cancer, I jumped at the chance to get it removed until I discovered it was inoperable. So the next step I took involved getting another opinion.

“Yep, definitely cancer,” Doctor # 2 said. “But I can remove it.”

“So glad, great! Thank God!” I said.

However, the only catch was the cost to the tune of $2000+, but there was no guarantee that the cancerous lump would not return. When this happened, Dusty was 13 years old and would turn 14 in 5 months. My first reaction was,

“Fine, whatever, you can take it out. Do you have a payment plan?” But then to hear the doctor say,

“Yes, we can do a payment plan. But we need to follow up with repeated sessions of chemotherapy and….”

My heart sank then, and my intuition said, “Wait, this isn’t going to be so cut and dry easy.” Then and there, I had to seriously think about what I wanted versus what was best for Dusty’s quality of life.

After some soul-searching and putting myself in her position,  I decided to try a different approach. I decided to try holistic treatments over chemo for Dusty to have maximum quality of life in her final years vs. surgery with a painful recovery, chemicals pumped through her aging body, and no guarantees.

Time to make a decision

So after a week of careful thought and research, I decided to forgo the surgery and try natural treatments.

Fortunately, I was able to find a website that had natural cancer remedies for pets. I ordered with express delivery and started incorporating the treatments with Dusty’s food routine.

As luck would have it, Dusty responded positively to the remedies in 3 days. Her lethargy began to fade away. She had more energy, and her appetite was returning. The only downside? The hard lump on her throat continued to grow quickly. Some days it seemed to shrink, and other days seemed to double in size.

I know now that is characteristic of cancer- it changes shape and size.

After almost two months of giving treatments, weekly doctor visits to check blood counts, steroid medication, B12 shots for energy, and prayer, Dusty’s lump began to impede her breathing. She started having trouble.

After one day of labored breathing, her condition remained bad and hadn’t changed by the following day. To add to her problems, she wasn’t eating or drinking and sounded worse. I knew that dreaded moment had come when my husband went to pick her up to check on her, and although he felt optimistic, her lump started to shrink; it was then and there she had an episode and was coughing and gagging and barely breathing.

After an urgent call to our vet, they recommended us to a 24-hour urgent care. In 25 minutes, we made it to the office, and after a quick overview, the doctor on call informed us her vitals were too low, and the most humane decision would be to…

This is not goodbye

The doctor gave Dusty a sedative to relax her. I remember exactly my promise to Dusty when I found out she had cancer before things turned out for the worst.

“Mommy loves you, and I promise to give you the best quality of life as long as possible and will not have you suffer or be in agony.”

I kept that promise and kissed her on her head for the last time that night. I told her,

“Dusty, it’s okay to fly free now. This is not goodbye but see you later on the other side, okay? I love you. We love you.”

I was dying inside and made a failed attempt to keep it together, but the tears were overflowing. I was able to get myself together enough to see her eyes flicker in a millisecond as if she understood exactly what I said to her in her little ears.

It was then that the doctor tried to finalize her transition however expressed this situation was quite difficult as Dusty’s organs were shutting down, and her veins had also collapsed. Therefore, I was not able to see the doctor end her suffering to the last second, but I did say my final goodbye.

I had tremendous guilt over that.

My first cat, Precious, literally died in my arms, so this time around was different due to the illness and circumstances.

Mixed Emotions

If you are reading this and have been through pet loss like me, you go through feelings of denial, bargaining, confusion, and anger, but the guilt sucks. I felt terrible not being able to be there until the last second.

Then I wondered, “What if I had just gotten the surgery and chemo?” Maybe I’d have more time? Perhaps she’d be cured? I should have insisted on staying. Why didn’t I?

All these questions and guilt wrestled with my spirit. It took some time, but with prayer and self-reflection, this is how I began to deal with letting go of the guilt.

How I Learned to Let Go of the Guilt

Dealing with guilt after pet loss and overcoming that took me a long time. Here are the steps I took to find a place of peace and healing.

Remember my Intentions

Yes, Dusty had to be euthanized, but my promise and intent from the very beginning was to give her the best quality of life from the beginning when I picked her up off the street stoop to the very end of her life.

I remembered I didn’t want her to suffer from surgery in her old age and deal with potential complications in healing, infection, recovery, and chemo treatments. Also, what if the cancer came back too? It would have been all for nothing and only for my selfish desire to have her here with me as long as possible.

Just because she’s here with me doesn’t mean she’s living. There is a difference between living a quality life and existing.

Realize we all have a predetermined amount of time here

I’m a person that believes in God, and I know and understand we as human beings all have a set number of days here on Earth. As I learned to accept Dusty’s transition, I had to understand and apply this way of thinking to her as well.

She had a preset-determined time here. If it was meant to be for Dusty’s holistic treatments to cure her, she’d be cured.

The way things happen is for a reason.

Honestly, I’m still coming to terms with this. I do wholeheartedly believe everything happens the way it happens for a reason. What I’m wondering is why and for what purpose.

I suppose that part of my life is still playing itself out. Hmm, perhaps writing about this now is helping someone else? Maybe that’s why?

Holding onto guilt is holding back your progress.

Dealing with guilt after pet loss is hard. If it’s one thing I know any pet owner understands, our furry friends love to put a smile on our faces and see us happy and thriving. They do almost anything to be by our side and see us thrive.

So, we have to remember that holding onto guilt does nothing to help us heal. Holding onto guilt keeps you in a depressed state and leaves you stuck.

Lastly, holding onto the guilt will not bring them back and does not allow room for progression and positivity in moving forward in your life. I’m sure our furry friends would not want that for us.

It’s time to make a choice.

What I know to be true is the power of the mind, and the choices we make are very powerful. We can choose to let go of the guilt and forgive ourselves or stay in that negative space and harp on the guilt.

Dealing with guilt after pet loss will be one of the most challenging experiences you’ll experience.

However, choosing happiness, newfound joy, and looking at life differently was my goal.

I decided to rely on my faith, other pet loss resources and remember the shared love.

I choose to reflect on the happy times, the silly moments that make me smile and honor her memory by finding renewed strength to get through each day one day at a time and move in a forward direction.

It’s not that you ever forget, but instead, choose to live your life the best you can.

Share your thoughts

Can you relate to dealing with guilt after pet loss? Did you like my post? Share and comment below.

Also, check out a few of my other posts that may give you comfort below:

How do  I deal with my pets belongings after pet loss?

8 Resources for Healing after pet loss

4 Reasons why I believe pets have an afterlife

How to talk to your children about the loss of a pet

What do I do with my pet’s remains?

Click here to read a poem called A Pet’s Peace related to the topic of pet loss and guilt. It may bring you some comfort.

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Post originally published Sept. 11, 2016. Updated March 2022.

Works Cited

“A Poem for Those Dealing with Pet Loss: A Pet’s Peace.” Entrusted Pets Inc. Entrusted Pets Inc. by Messinger Mortuaries. Entrusted Pets Inc. by Messinger Mortuaries, 14 Apr. 2016. Web. 9 Sept. 2016.